One down...

Class, that is.
One down, 3 billion to go.
By my rough estimate, anyway.

Tonight was Spanish for Medical Professionals. I know. Thrilling. The good news is that it's self-paced, so I can wrap this puppy up quickly. The bad news is that I'm pretty sure I'm older than my professor.

This is something I need to get over. If being the oldest in my class is going to be problem for me, I might as well just pack it in now. Because I will be the oldest quite a bit of the time. It's something I can't allow myself to get worked up about. I am very good about getting worked up over things I shouldn't. This can't be one of them. I'm already scared enough that I won't do it.

Won't be able to do it.
Won't want to do it.
Won't be able to afford to do it.
Won't get in.
Won't follow through. As usual.

I can't let myself stop or worry about something completely out of my control. I am 37. I am. It is what it is. If I let that number (Treinta y siete, thank you very much) worm it's way into my brain, I'll never get anywhere.  It's not even that old. I mean, yeah. It's old. But it's not THAT old. Right? (RIGHT?!)

Really, the only thing I can't control is affording it. And even that I have some control over. I've heard tell of something called a budget. I'm not sure how it works, but someone (The Husband Guy) swears it helps you not spend more money than you have. Interesting concept. In fact, he (The HG) has already suggested a few cost saving strategies. This is a conversation that invariably gives me quite a bit of guilt. He works a lot. He works hard to provide for our family. I feel like if I really appreciated him, I'd just follow the "right" path.

Get the kids to school. Go back to work. Earn an income. Take some burden off him.
But no.
**I** need to go to Med School.
I need to take money that should go for other things (retirement, savings, kids' college. Beer.) and go to med school.

Add guilt to my list.

Won't be able to do it.

Won't want to do it.
Won't be able to afford to do it.
Won't get in.
Won't follow through. As usual.
Won't be able to shake the guilt.\

I need to take this one step at a time. One class at a time.
So, one down. 3 billion to go.